The End of the Journey

Here we are, my last day of pregnancy. Where did the last 40 weeks go? It's incredible how fast the time has gone. I'm ready for tomorrow and, at the same time, very nervous. I'm horribly uncomfortable, unable to sleep well at night, and very slow moving when I'm awake. I'll be glad to say goodbye to all that. Although, I'm trading those things for not sleeping through the night even though I'll have the ability, constant fatigue, and lots of soreness as I heal. So, it' s an even trade. :) I know in the end it will be worth it. I'll be so glad to see her face tomorrow and start learning about who she is and what kind of baby she'll be. But, as a second time mom, I don't have that luxury of ignorance about the first few weeks that lie ahead. I know exactly what I'm in for. I remember how much the recovery hurt, how hard breastfeeding was, and how little sleep I will be getting. So, as excited as I am, I also have asked myself, 'Am I really doing this again?' And the answer is, of course I am doing it again. I will survive just like last time. You secretly hope things will be easier the second time around. Even so, I know I will be so amazed by the wonderful little baby that I'm bringing home that I will gladly tend to her every need. But part of me is still looking forward to 3 mos and on. LOL! :) Aidan seems excited about his sister. He asked me this morning if his baby sister was coming out of my tummy today. I reminded him that was tomorrow and Nana is coming today. I'm amazed by how much he seems to understand, especially at his age. He knows I'm going to "the hospital place" and that his baby sister has to come out of my tummy. He also knows now that if she "breaks" my tummy the doctor will fix it and give me a band aid. He seems to know that I won't be home right away but I'm not sure that's really sunk in. And when I come home, I will bring Olivia with me. She'll be loud and cry and need lots of help. But, he's already had practice with our friends' baby and loves to help with him and play with him. (He even shared Tigger with him the other day. I know! That's big.) It's going to a big change for all of us, as much for me as it will be for him. It will be a big adjustment to manage caring for two instead of one. I've been told that I will think that one was pretty easy after having two, which I can totally see. Aidan's a pretty easy child to care for, all things considered. I've been very lucky with him. I hope my luck holds out for the newest member of our family. It was weird to hang out with Aidan this morning, knowing it would the last time we'd be together just the two of us. I know there will be times when I just have him, but it's the last time I will be known as Aidan's Mommy and only his mommy. I worry about how our relationship will change. I really don't like the idea of leaving him for four days and not being there for him. I don't like being away from him for too long or too often. I hope that we will still be close and he will still know that Mommy loves him and he has a special place in Mommy's heart. (Your first always holds a special place. Not that you love them more. I guess it's one of those things that if you have kids, you understand.) I know all these things will work themselves out in the end and it will be all right. You can't help but worry though.

So I will trying to enjoy my last night and relax. I'll hang out with Aidan and just enjoy playing. I'll finish the loose ends like packing and getting the seat in the car. I'll try to keep Julien calm. I probably won't sleep at all tonight and will be off very early in the morning to the hospital. Hopefully soon I will have time to write about the delivery and all about Olivia Paige. Oh and pictures too. Wish us luck!